Abramovic Leaves Chelsea, Leaves them Bankrupt (Part 1)


DISCLAIMER: This is the fictional account of what would happen to Chelsea should Roman Abramovic leave Chelsea in the summer. This by no means is what is actually happening in the real world right now. For entertainment purposes only.

June 11th 2011: Abramovic announces that he is selling the club. Shareholders go nuts, and deals for the likes of Neymar, Lukaku and Sanchez are halted for the time being. Fan reaction was mixed over the Russian’s potential departure, some happy that they can finally get a manager that can last over 12 days, whilst others were unhappy after the owner that they were taking advantage for his money was going to leave for good.

I’ve waited so long for this. I hated how he tossed aside Mourinho and Wilkins. It’s time for him to go.

Jamie, Chelsea Fan

June 18th 2011: Abramovic comes out with a statement explaining why he wants to sell Chelsea in the summer, declaring that “I want to fund my girlfriend’s new boutique, it is a big project, a little over 2 billion euros”. Chelsea fans are furious and demand that he relinquish all his power at the London-based club immediately.

July 8th 2011: Abramovic announces that he will be selling all his shares at Chelsea to an American billionaire named Tom Gores, also the owner of the NBA team, the Detroit Pistons. Players show encouragement for this move, except Spaniard Fernando Torres, who says this to various news agencies:

I recognize that this could be the end of my Chelsea career, the time has been brief, but I won’t be able to get any playing time without Roman Abramovic around, so I think that I need to play for a bigger club.

Fernando Torres, Chelsea Player (Up to this point)

Meanwhile, the new Chelsea owner announces that he is set to build a new Stamford Bridge, to buy a host of new names at the club and to ensure financial stability. The Chelsea fans are excited by what the new owner can offer to Chelsea with their new found money.

July 30th 2011: Abramovic cuts the ribbon his girlfriend’s boutique and gives some more reasoning for Chelsea fans, saying that “For once, I didn’t have money to fund a project, so I had to pull the plug on the Chelsea deal. I sold 2 yatches out of my 73 to fund this. I’m sorry”. Here’s some official footage of the shop opening.

Meanwhile, Chelsea appoint recently unemployed manager Phil Jackson, whom formed a legacy with the LA Lakers. Immediately, the fans are very skeptical of the owners, but Gores reiterates his decision, claiming “He knows about attacking and defence and is a great all round manager, just take a look at what he did with the Lakers!”

August 19th 2011: A misunderstanding in the passing of information has resulted in Chelsea signing NBA player Serge Ibaka of Oklahama City Thunder. New manager Phil Jackson claims that he actually “wanted Sergio Busquets and Andres Iniesta”. Fans are furious with this costly mistake, as the signing cost them a whopping 13 million pounds with appearance-based bonuses to be paid over the season.

So what do you guys think about this? Too unrealistic? Something you would like to see changed? Please spread the word!

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2 Comments

Filed under Arsenal FC, Chelsea FC

2 responses to “Abramovic Leaves Chelsea, Leaves them Bankrupt (Part 1)

  1. Apai

    Awesome stuff, perhaps change the NBA side a bit, it seems to shift so much on players i don’t know

  2. routeen

    Thanks dude! Will keep that in mind!

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